Hi blog,
It's been 2 years since I write here. It's Deepavali day, and I am supposed to be happy for the break I decided to give to everyone in office.
I'm not sure.. I kept having the thought "I am a follower-less leader" the whole day. I am currently feeling very down, very lonely. There is no one to talk to, other than writing down it here in this small digital space that I can go to.
You see, I am promoted to become the COO. COO, big name and responsibility. I am supposed to be happy and proud of the new post, right? I should be, but I'm not. There is no one in office who are happy to be under me, I can see that. Thinking about that makes me want to cry, and I want to really cry myself to sleep for being a crappy leader.
My team do things in their own group, they don't want me to be in there. There was a time that I found out that they are organising an outing, and I was not asked if I'll be interested to go. I feel like outcast though I call them "my team members". I tried to include them in the activities that I think they may like, and I don't get the same return from them. I feel they don't like me at all, they looked at me with hidden expression. Maybe I shouldn't be in this company anymore, if there is no one who are willing to follow me.
Oh God, I need You to get me out of this misery.. It's bothering me, and I am really sad and lonely, just like the chipmunk's song: I'm So Lonely...
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