To quit or not to quit (in 24 hours notice, that is!)

It's almost 7 years in my current job. It's been a lot of ups and downs for me. I learnt a lot; I burnt out a lot; I laughed and cried; I enjoyed and hated, etc.

Somehow I don't enjoy this work anymore. I don't feel the excitement of working with them anymore. I felt so tired. I told my mom about the problem yesterday. All because I refused to answer the phone calls. All fingers points to me and said: You are the leader. You must lead. You lost that chance today. You failed as a leader. I never get the chance to defend myself; I'm always at fault.

Since he said that, I know what is the next best thing to do: resign. There is a saying: A mountain can't have 2 tigers. I can just walk out and leave everything behind. I don't mind. I can work as low-pay labour, but I'll be happy. I don't think the other "tiger" can start over like me. She's a spoilt person, like princess. I know what hardship means. I lived in it before. I watched it with my own eyes. Like my father said, you won't go hungry as long as you are willing to work decently. I can even wash dishes if there's no more work for me.

Seriously, I really want to pursue my other dreams and interests. Sigh.. I really need God's help now..

Dear God, I need Your guidance. Please send me a sign that it's time to go. Amen.

Frustration

I'm really mad and frustrated with her. She don't seems to understand people, or at least she makes me thinks so.

She asked me how to solve a problem, and I told her the solutions. Then she spoke to the person who is handling the project about the solutions, and I thought the other person will do it. Guess what, when I was about to leave, she asked me where is the solution. I went blank, and stunned by her question. She is mad, really a moron. I don't believe my hearing when she asked that question. What? I'm supposed to do it? Didn't she tell the other person about the solution? Aren't the other person supposed to execute the solution? Is she stupid or what? Damn her. I am boiling mad now. Really mad at her statement. I can't leave and have to boot up my pc again. I was really looking for a way to whack her head and tell her: Do it yourself! Then I saw her writing email and I hated the way the email is written. It's the ultimatum that I have to do it now or latest tomorrow. Damn it. Really damn her. No brainer. If she's a blonde, I'll shout at her and say "You are just a damn stupid bitch!".

I need some one to talk to

I need to talk to somebody I trust.

You see, my mom had a major surgery lately. Total Hip Replacement Surgery, to be exact. It's heart-breaking to see my mom lying down there, on the bed, and can't move without help of crutches. I wanted to spend more time with her. I wanted to chat with her, serving her needs, taking care of her like how she took care of me when I was young.

I wanted to tell her I'm always at her side. She can call out to me and I'll rush to her aid anytime, even if I'm sick. You can say my mom is everything to me. But I can't do it now. I'm tied down with my work. I am beginning to hate my work. I'm contemplating resigning from this job and tell my family members to go ahead and start a Christian bookstore. Maybe I'll enjoy the bookstore job more, I don't know. But I don't think God is giving the green-light yet. At least for now, there's no further discussion taking place in my family.

I also have problem at work. I have issue with my colleague. Maybe I'm immature, but honestly I disliked the way this colleague uses my stuff. I bought the bread and eggs with my own money, and this colleague is taking it as though it's bought with the petty cash. I hated the fact that there's no invitation to others to share the food.

I went berserk when I'm told I'm not fit by this colleague. Maybe I am not fit, but at least I don't end up driving into the grass patch after the rafting trip. I have God who gave me that extra ordinary strength that you don't have. I can just slap the plaster on my shoulder and drive from JB to Padang Besar without dozing off. Ok, maybe not that "powderful", but I can bet no one can do it in my company. I'm being informed by my superior that this colleague 'talk down to me', but I can't sense it. Maybe I'm totally numb to my surrounding; I don't know.

Now I received news from my sister: Mom is back in hospital for observation. Her right leg is swollen, maybe from infection or something like that. I'm so upset now, that I can't go to see her right away. I'm tied to this stupid laptop and project, just because I had to make this project a success for the entire team. God, if You are willing, let me go from this company and do what You really want me to do in Your kingdom. If You are willing, let this project be so successful that I can safely tell the team: bye, I'm off to serve God in other area!

I really want to run a Christian bookstore with my siblings. I can serve God in my residential area in this capacity. I can spend more time with my family, and I can try my hand in coaching hockey in PESS again. God, I really missed the things I enjoyed before getting so tied down with my current job. Help me, oh Lord Jesus!