Psalm 119:105

Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.
~ Psalm 119:105

I was having a conversation with sis Min not long ago when she shared how she is uncertain about her future after her graduation at the end of the year. She mentioned Psalm 119:105 and placed her trust in the Lord Jesus to lead her step by step, as she explained the distance that the light emitted from the lamp according to the ancient time is probably just a few feet away. The people back then can't see further or walk faster than the light's radius, and had to be careful to keep their lamp burning so they can see in the dark.

When she finished sharing, I told her about my memory of driving at night on the day my maternal grandfather passed away. I remembered waiting at KLIA for my aunt to arrive from Melbourne before picking up my uncle and his family from KLIA2 that night, and drove back to Kuala Lipis for the funeral. I remember it's already passed 10pm when I left the airports with them and drove rather fast along the highways as they were brightly lit up. Once I reached the Bentong-Kuala Lipis road, I had to slow down as large part of the route do not have street lights.

Father God was gracious to us after we passed Bentong town. A Mara bus (a term my mom and I used to describe express bus) was in front of us, driven rather fast by the bus driver. Taking the opportunity that he's paving the way in the dark, I followed closely behind him. When I saw his brake light, I stepped on my brake. When he turned to the side, I too, followed suit. That night the bus was probably at 130-140 km/h as my speedometer was showing 100 km/h at the top speed. It was about few kilometres away from Kuala Lipis' exit that the bus stopped for his rest, and I continued on knowing the roads ahead will have some lights on.

I shared with sis Min that the whole time of me following the bus reminded me of my daily walk to follow Jesus Christ closely. I don't always see my life ahead clearly, but Jesus, like the bus driver, He is paving His way for me. As long as I keep my eyes focused on Him, to love and obey Him, I won't be lost or afraid. This memory is a constant reminder for me each time I feels burdened or unsure of my days, that my Father God is there to guide me in His love and righteousness. All glory to Him alone, amen!

Occasional God or God of my life?

Dear Father God,

Today I am challenged by this question about how I treat You in my life: Is God my occasional God or God of my life?

I was pondering on this question and many thoughts came to my mind. When Pr Jon shared his message in the SIBKLW Team Night, these 3 points hit me hard:

1. Having fellowship about God but not with Him
   Symptom: A lot of gatherings about God but not much growth in Him.
   Remedy: Make room for the Secret Place, not just a meeting space. (Luke 5:16, where Lord Jesus often withdrew Himself to lonely places and prayed - am I constantly doing this: withdrawing from my own schedule and enter into God's chamber to be still and commune with Him?)
2. Relying on our service to Him for our seeking of Him
   Symptom: Only showing devotion when there is duty.
   Remedy: Be a son/daughter, not just a servant. (Matthew 7:21-23, where Lord Jesus told the people He never knew them despite all their "deeds to God" because they never do the will of Father God - The importance of my whole-hearted devotion and love to God at all times, whether I am serving or not.)
3. Treating a time of hidden-ness as a time for hiding
   Symptom: Mistaking a time of preparation as an opportunity for procrastination.
   Remedy: Shifting from inactivity to having initiative. (1 Samuel 17:34-36, where David told King Saul how he had faced dangers in the past and not afraid of Goliath because he knew God gave him victories before and God will do it again - I can seize this opportunity to prepare myself by growing deeper in my relationship with Christ so that when the calling comes to serve Him, I'll be ready for it.)

Father God, I can resonate with Pr Jon's message because at one point during the MCO, I felt so frustrated with so many online worships and prayer altars everyday to the point I just gave up and felt like a failure because I was trying to please/serve You in my own way. I've fallen flat on my face in trying to compete with others to be more "spiritual" and that lesson was so painful for me. Thank You Father for forgiving me of my folly when I came and confessed to You and for giving me Your grace and mercy to see that You still love me without any conditions.

Coming back to the question, I confess to You Father, many times in the past I only come to You when I have problems and I leave You once they are solved. I confess that I still do this sinful act presently. Forgive me Father for treating You my "occasional God", I'm sorry for taking You for granted - worst still Father, at times even treating You like my butler. Father, help me to switch my heart and mind to completely have You as the God of my life - I want to be like Your Son Jesus Christ to having a deep relationship with You as my Father, amen.

Thanksgiving and Reflection 20200527

I've been listening to "Ancient of Days" by CityAlight and am very encouraged to keep walking with my Father God because He is my Ancient of Days. Verse 2 speaks to me personally that He loves me dearly.

[V1]
Though the nations rage, kingdoms rise and fall
There is still one King reigning over all
So I will not fear for this truth remains:
That my God is, the Ancient of Days

[V2]
Though the dread of night overwhelms my soul
He is here with me, I am not alone
O His love is sure, and He knows my name
For my God is, the Ancient of Days

[V3]
Though I may not see what the future brings
I will watch and wait for the Saviour King
Then my joy complete standing face to face
In the presence of the Ancient of Days

[Chorus]
None above Him, none before Him
All of time in His hands
For His throne it shall remain and ever stand
All the power, all the glory
I will trust in His name
For my God is, the Ancient of Days

Reflection 20200523

Dear Heavenly Father,
It's been 2 days that I didn't get to jot down my reflection-of-the-day as I was quite tired to type out my thoughts.

Yesterday was quite a "battle" for me as I have promised to help Ying with her homework on a business proposal and at the same time I also needed to work on my office's tasks. It is funny for me to think about it again today because when she was younger, I only helped her with any Malay or English lessons that she don't understand as she is a very independent girl. Thank You Father for 2 brothers-in-Christ who also chipped in to complete the proposal so that she can submit the paper by midnight. I was really exhausted and at the same time relieved to see her able to meet the deadline.

Since I don't have to work today, I decided to go to KL to get some guitar strings as I ran out of the 4th string. Thinking that it will be good to show sis Min where is this shop that I frequently go to for my musical instruments purchases, I texted her and asked if she'd like to tag along. She replied okay and I went to pick her up. Along the way to her house I saw Anson's food truck is opened for business and I decided to get some roast pork for sis Min. Mr Chong also arrived at the same time and we exchanged greetings. Thank You Father for the brief chat with him; it's been few months since I last talked to him and Anson at their roadside stall.

Father, little did I know when I reached sis Min's house that her mother actually wanted to have some roast pork. She asked if her daughter told me about it and I bought it on purpose. I was really puzzled and laughed out loud while assuring her that I absolutely have not heard from her daughter about it at all. Later I learned that sis Min was having some hard time which she wrote in her blog and she thought I have read the posting hence I asked her to go out with me. Father, You are a good Father to all of us. Thank You Father for Your perfect timing and will for us and for making me Your "angel" to deliver Your love to them today.

In today's e-Bible reading we read about how You brought the Israelites into the battles under the leadership of Joshua. The phrases "utterly destroy" and "rest from war" appeared many times and I sensed You are telling me to "utterly destroy" my sinful thoughts, desires and behaviour so that I can experience Your rest and victorious life with You. Lord Jesus, please help me to rely on You at all time for victory when I need to go through the "battles" in my life.

Thank You Father for a wonder time of fellowship and catching up with my spiritual family members today via Zoom. I pray that each one of us will continue to love You and support each other in our lives' journey with the love of Christ Jesus.

Good night Father, I love You for loving me *hugs*

Reflection 20200520

Dear Heavenly Father,
Today my day is filled with mixed emotions.

• Sis Mic's message about her grandfather's health condition - concerned and immediately came before Your throne to surrender his health and her entire family into Your hand. Thank You Father for Your peace to come into my heart assuring You have the best of plan for her family.
• Bro Chong and Joyce's messages about DOB boss Gavin's passing - sad, shocked to be exact. I was wondering if the news was true because the last I've met him was during the CNY gathering early this year and noticed he was getting skinnier but I never asked what was the reason. Today I heard his colon cancer had returned and cut short his life. I have lost a good boss and mentor. What saddened me most is the fact he did not believe in Jesus although he was surrounded with a lot of good Christian drivers in his team.
• E-Chapel message by Hank Du - uplifting, encouraged me to move forward and to be committed to You in my life, to put my confidence in Christ (Hebrews 10:35-36). He used the driver's steering wheel as the analogy today: Who is in control of your life?. A couple of Bible verses quoted today: 1 Corinthians 9:26, Philippians 3:12-14, Ephesians 4:2-3, Philippians 4:4-6
• Communication with various teams to resolve some of work issues - quite tiring due to the heat of the afternoon sun, and at the same time was very intrigued with the investigations that I am currently doing in the questions raised not only within my own local office but also from international team. I give thanks to You Father for the skill You have trained me in the past comes handy in situation like this. I just place my hope in You for the wisdom to understand and solve the issues soon.

Dear Father, despite all these news and feelings seems to try to overwhelm me, I thank You for keeping me sane and focused in Christ Jesus. I could have fallen into deep negative emotion for today but by Your grace and mercy, this did not happen. Help me Holy Spirit to enter into the Father's secret chamber for the rest that my Saviour Jesus promised to me, amen.

Reflection 20200519: Where Choices Lead

Today's reflection is based on reading of Psalm 1 and Deuteronomy 20-30 (NKJV).

There are so many choices to be made daily, every moment as long as I am still breathing. When to wake up, what to do after waking up, what to eat, how to do the tasks, how to talk.. the list goes on and on...

Quoting from ODB: "Life can be like that (outcome from making choices): we have to ask not simply if something is right or wrong, but where it will lead." My daily choice is between living a righteous or wicked life before God. The author mentioned about relationships and habits that can affect my walk with Him.Verse 6 says "For the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish". Lord Jesus, please help me to live the life of the person described in Psalm 1:2-3 (paraphrased): "But my delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law I meditates day and night. I shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever I do shall prosper". Note to self: choose wisely with the wisdom from the Lord!

Was reading Deuteronomy 20-30 with my cell members and we laughed when we came to Deuteronomy 22:5. We broke this law ady, said Lisa while I smiled and nodded my head in agreement. How would my life be in that time to fulfill all the laws before the Most Holy God when simple instruction like this also can be broken by me, I pondered...

Deuteronomy 30:15-20 highlighted the importance of my choices:
"See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil, in that I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments, His statutes, and His judgments, that you may live and multiply; and the Lord your God will bless you in the land which you go to possess. But if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away, and worship other gods and serve them, I announce to you today that you shall surely perish; you shall not prolong your days in the land which you cross over the Jordan to go in and possess. I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days; and that you may dwell in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them."

I pray Father, that Your Holy Spirit will always help me to make the choice that leads to You even when it doesn't make any sense to me. Help me to walk blameless before You my Lord and Saviour all the days of my life. Pull me back up when I stumble and fall, I pray, and by Your mercy be gracious to me when I am weak. In Jesus' name I ask and commit my life, amen.